When the most sought after celebrity becomes a widow, a beauty underdog beats the odds to marry him after unwittingly impersonating royalty and struggles to conceal her secret from the media.

Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat Samurai Asked on September 28, 2015 in Comedy.
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2 Review(s)

Sounds a bit messy to me…

Try rewording it, using the formula I recommend here: http://logline.it/howto.

The story lacks in Inciting Incident, unless the marriage is accidental…

Typically, a great story starts with something that happens to the main character. Not something the main character does.

It seems to me that the struggle to get married is more interesting than the struggle to keep the secret. Or perhaps I just don’t get it…

Happy rewriting!

 

Karel

Karel Segers Samurai Reviewed on September 30, 2015.
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Hello Karel

You’re right.  By the way, the story is mostly about the struggle to get married. I fix this.

Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat Samurai Reviewed on October 1, 2015.
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