A conversation with his younger backdoor neighbour forces a college student to reconsider his doubts.

Cold Feet

jacksonhpeters Penpusher Asked on November 14, 2014 in Student Loglines.
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4 Review(s)

Doubts about what? The logline needs to be more specific about where the story is going.

What does he decide to do (objective goal)?
What’s at stake?
Who/what opposes him?

dpg Singularity Reviewed on November 14, 2014.
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A conversation with his younger backdoor neighbour forces a college student to reconsider his doubts regarding school and the future; whether to follow his dreams or pursue a more stable future.

Default Reviewed on November 18, 2014.
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>>Reconsider his doubts

A logline (as well as a plot) is not about what a character “reconsiders”, “thinks”, or “dreams” of doing. It’s about what he actually DOES.

What is the college student’s objective goal? What does he want to DO?

Who/what opposes him?

What’s at stake?

dpg Singularity Reviewed on November 18, 2014.
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Is a conversation really a powerful enough an event to set your character off on a journey?

What is said in this conversation that was so immensely compelling that he would now have to take death defying (i.e interesting) action?

Even if the conversation was gut wrenchingly, gobsmackingly enlightening it is a chat with a neighbor not very cinematic for an inciting incident. Unless the neighbor was someone who can conceivably change someone via a chat such as, not that it is possible, but the next Dalai Lama or something along those lines.

How else except a conversation can you push your protagonist into taking action.

Hope this helps.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on November 18, 2014.
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