a delusional and conniving narcissist manipulates an introverted millionaire, that’s undergoing a crisis, to room with him and his workaholic best friend to fund his ideas on becoming the next Elon Musk.
When a conniving narcissist manipulates an introverted millionaire to fund his ideas for the next Big Thing in Silicon Valley, he must… he must…
Well, he must what? The story sets up a situation, but not a plot — I get no clear indication from the logline of the plot where the story is going to go.
Also why should I want to care and root for a conniving narcissist to succeed? Or want to invest my time and money to watch his comeuppance and failure?
Hello, I would be interested in a movie that tracks the rise of the “next Elon Musk”, but I can’t see this in the logline. I like the idea of the “next Elon Musk” but I’d like to be able to understand that without you telling me this in this way (or at least not only in this way).
I don’t understand if the workhaolic is the friend of the main character or of the millionaire, anyway, this character isn’t really connected with the plot (it seems just a “allie” and his role can be avoided in the logline).
I suggest to include some reason to build empathy thowards the main character.
as dpg wrote- “When a conniving narcissist manipulates an introverted millionaire to fund his ideas for the next Big Thing in Silicon Valley, he must…” Fill in the rest of that sentence, and that’s a pretty good logline.
There is also the workaholic friend who actually has a genuinely good idea? If so, that changes the story completely. I’m getting 2 possibilities here:
1. A story about a hustler-type who gets in over his head when he convinces a millionaire to fund his business idea.
2. An Odd Couple type story about 3 different guys who come together and must overcome their differences to create the Next Big Thing.