a delusional and conniving narcissist manipulates an introverted millionaire, that’s undergoing a crisis, to room with him and his workaholic best friend to fund his ideas on becoming the next Elon Musk.

AntSivik Penpusher Asked on October 2, 2015 in Comedy.
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4 Review(s)

When a conniving narcissist manipulates an introverted millionaire to fund his ideas for the next Big Thing in Silicon Valley, he must… he must…

Well, he must what?  The story sets up a situation, but not a plot — I get no clear indication from the logline of the plot  where the story is going to go.

Also why should I want to care  and root for a conniving narcissist to succeed?  Or want to invest my time and money to watch his comeuppance and failure?

dpg Singularity Reviewed on October 3, 2015.
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Is this meant to be an attempt at the logline for Silicon Valley?

Lucius Paisley Logliner Reviewed on October 2, 2015.

I’ve never even watched Silicon Valley. Guess I’m going to watch the pilot tonight.

on October 3, 2015.

It basically has all those things in your logline – narcissist, millionaire, an Elon Musk type, a best friend…

Kind of a different story though.

on October 3, 2015.
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Hello, I would be interested in a movie that tracks the rise of the “next Elon Musk”, but I can’t see this in the logline. I like the idea of the “next Elon Musk” but I’d like to be able to understand that without you telling me this in this way (or at least not only in this way).

I don’t understand if the workhaolic is the friend of the main character or of the millionaire, anyway, this character isn’t really connected with the plot (it seems just a “allie” and his role can be avoided in the logline).

I suggest to include some reason to build empathy thowards the main character.

FFF Mentor Reviewed on October 2, 2015.

I am having some trouble narrowing down my logline. My story is centered around three dynamically different characters that  differ in their stories of happiness and success but share a common theme, their severe daddy issues. We attempted to re-center the story around our “clown” character, but again it tends to get muddied.

on October 3, 2015.
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as dpg wrote- “When a conniving narcissist manipulates an introverted millionaire to fund his ideas for the next Big Thing in Silicon Valley, he must…” Fill in the rest of that sentence, and that’s a pretty good logline.

There is also the workaholic friend who actually has a genuinely good idea? If so, that changes the story completely. I’m getting 2 possibilities here:

1. A story about a hustler-type who gets in over his head when he convinces a millionaire to fund his business idea.
2. An Odd Couple type story about 3 different guys who come together and must overcome their differences to create the Next Big Thing.

steveylang Samurai Reviewed on October 7, 2015.
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