A disgraced PR Fixer reluctantly unites with the ghost of his perverted first guest to save his families Hotel from being demolished.

gvcool2 Penpusher Asked on November 18, 2015 in Horror.
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2 Review(s)

This logline is cryptic and the plot unclear.

I can guess what “…PR fixer…”  means, but don’t know for sure what the job entails or if it exists. As this is not a well known enough a profession, it does not serve its purpose as part of your main character’s description. Further more about the MC’s description, all main characters should be reluctant at first or else the task ahead of them won’t appear as a challenge, and therefore achieving their goal becomes a lame affair.  Point is describing the MC as reluctant is redundant in a logline, as it should be an inherit part of the hero’s journey.

Is the ghost a euphemism or an actual ghost? This is unclear and can have major implications on genre.

The mention of a “…first guest…” half way through the logline is very confusing, and I had to read it several times to make sure I didn’t miss anything leading up to that description. The goal of saving his family’s hotel at the end, seams unrelated to the supposed inciting incident of a perverted ghost’s appearance, best to describe the MC as a hotel owner at the head of the logline as to at least have the story elements form a logical connection.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on November 20, 2015.
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Hello,
maybe you could include in the logline how the main character and the ghost can save the hotel.

FFF Mentor Reviewed on December 1, 2015.
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