When a broken film critic must find the most ascetic Persan director and persuade him to shoot an unrestrained blockbuster in Paris, he pick the wrong man and have to deal with him to save his career.

    The Cow With No Milk

    FFF Mentor Asked on March 11, 2015 in Public.
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    16 Review(s)

      Your really need to work on this. In the first sentence, once you remove the words modifying the film critic, look at what’s left: ‘A film critic is paid to have him shooting a big action movie in Paris.’ It doesn’t make sense. In the second sentence, who brought an imposter? I think there could be a good story buried in your logline, but you’re not showing it yet. Keep at it. You might benefit from reading a style guide or two. Let me know if you want me to recommend a couple.

      Lee Brooks Penpusher Reviewed on March 12, 2015.
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        I changed the logline trying to make it lore clear, is it any better?

        FFF Mentor Reviewed on March 12, 2015.
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          “The author of a fake interview with the master of indie Iraqi cinema is sent to middle east to find the hermit living director and have him shooting a big action movie in Paris. When he realises the man he bought to Paris is actually an impostor he makes a deal with him to fool everyone, only to find that the whole movie is a fraud and that he must redeem himself as a film critic to regain his self-esteem.”

          FFF Mentor Reviewed on March 12, 2015.
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            ‘Regain his self esteem’ should probably be changed. After all that happens in this story, to have the leads goal be, ‘to feel better about himself’ is anti-climactic.

            His whole world should be at risk. If he doesn’t succeed what ever he loves the most could be taken away. The movie should be about him trying to save his entire world from collapsing.

            1) You should begin the logline with the lead bringing back the ‘fraud’ movie director. Don’t begin with the ‘fake interview’ (It’s alright for the script but she be left out of the logline)

            2) Give us some stakes if he fails. Tell us what he will lose.

            3) Be a bit more concise in order to cut the word count.

            If you do these things I believe you will have a stronger logline.

            Good luck with this!

            Richiev Singularity Reviewed on March 12, 2015.
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