A group of explorers discover a previously uncharted island, only to discover the terrifying reason why it wasn’t discovered earlier. Now, trapped, they must find a way to escape the island’s horrors.

victortiti89 Penpusher Asked on December 2, 2015 in Adventure.
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3 Review(s)

Can you be more specific about what constitutes “terrifying things”?  I’m not suggesting you reveal everything, but you need to reveal enough to wet the appetite, to make a script reader curious enough to find out more..  And I don’t think “terrifying things”  does the job.

dpg Singularity Reviewed on December 4, 2015.

Thank you for your helpful review on my logline! You’re right about the ” terrifying things ” part. I was just thinking about the idea that the island is full of various bad things, from deadly traps to some type of monsters to all kinds of cursed items. And when they realize this, the explorers really have to escape! So: ” A selfish, fame seeking explorer must find a way to rescue his team from the deadly inhabitants of a cursed, trap-filled island and change himself in the process “…

on December 5, 2015.
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Much of this logline is redundant as most of it doesn’t describe a plot. The entire first sentence can be cut, and the second sentence lacks a main character. Can you specify one character through who’s point of view the story will be told through? Re structure the logline around that character, their flaw and goal.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on December 3, 2015.

Thank you for taking your time to share a few thoughts on my logline! Although I wrote some screenplays, when it comes to loglines, I am still a beginner… Your review is of much help to me!
I’ve been thinking about what you said and came up with a new logline. Please note it might still not be good enough, as creating a great logline is not something easy to achieve : ” A selfish and fame-seeking explorer must find a way to rescue his team from the terrifying things that lie within a previously undiscovered island and change himself in the process. “

on December 4, 2015.
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Hello, the last rewrite is much better, still it seems to me that it’s too vague to create interest in the reader.
I personally don’t like expressions like “change himself in the process” because it’s more a promise of what you want to do than a proof that you master your story. All movies show some kind of “change” so it’s useless to talk about it in this vague form.

FFF Mentor Reviewed on December 7, 2015.

Thank you for your review on my logline!:) You’re right, in most movies, main characters do change at some level… Do you think this part should be left out of this logline and write it again, but without it, or should it be replaced by something like ” he realizes his mistake ” or ” learns that human lives matter more than a random archaeological discovery? ” (maybe even placed somewhere else, not neccesarily at the logline’s end)…

on December 9, 2015.
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