A high school comic book nerd seeks revenge on the school bully after they both receive seemingly uncontrollable superpowers – but will he take things too far? (We Are Young)
Well will he?
Best to make statements in a logline rather than ask questions.
Start with the inciting incident then move on to the main action and goal i.e: after a nerd receives super powers he…
What is the nerd’s goal? Pure revenge? If so you run the risk of him coming across as superficial and negative is there another goal perhaps a noble one you can give him such as help the other nerds that are being bullied?
Hope this helps.
As Nir Shelter said. The premise promises a “yes’ ‘answer to the question, “Will he take things too far?” If the script doesn’t deliver on the implied promise of the premise, then it will fail expectations and may end up on the reject pile.
The question the logline needs to answer is : now that both he and his nemesis have been “super sized” what must he do? What becomes his objective goal? What’s at stake? What happens if he fails? (If both of them have been “super-sized” can he fail? Can the bully win?)
I feel the same as above. You perhaps could do a twist on the idea… that the Nerd, who can’t forgive the Bully, wants revenge for what happened in Childhood, and in his pursuit he becomes the villain and it is the Bully who gets redemption who will eventually win the day.
Knightrider hit the nail on the head that’s exactly what happens! I’ve set it up that the kid might takes things too far and in the script he definitely does! In an ironic twist the bully’s friends shun him as an outcast when they see his powers and he ends up being realizing he was wrong to bully, becoming the protagonist and the nerd inadvertently becomes the world’s first super-villain. The script is essentially a superhero take on the flux of recent high school shootings. (Also i love the term “super-sized” and plan on using that in the script thanks haha!)
Be careful in regards to switching the dramatic point of view in your story. If it starts off as the MC and main point of view character being the nerd with the antagonist being the bully then you switch half way through to the revers it may cause the audience to disconnect from the story because they were not given sufficient time to empathize with the bad guy come good character and de empathize with initial MC.
It took 3 whole seasons to do so successfully in Breaking Bad and the only film I can think of that it worked well in was Psycho…