A man awaits the arrival of a violent time-travelling version of himself from 10 years in the future. After he is ‘killed’ by a female undercover cop determined to stop him from breaking bar, he is ‘saved’ by a female bounty hunter who hallucinates slices of the future and is determined to collect the bounty on his badass future self.

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    kbfilmworks Samurai Asked on September 28, 2015 in SciFi.
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    5 Review(s)
      Best answer

      I love it!

      Great high concept. But you’ll need to simplify the logline…

      The goalĀ (or 2nd act action) is wrapped in the final part of the logline: “is determined to collect the bounty on his badass future self”.

      I would give this more prominence, and make it more active “is determined” feels weak. We usually use “must” in a logline, as it is a lot stronger.

      In summary:

      Simplify the setup, and give more prominance to the 2nd act action.

      I hope this helps!

      Cheers,

      Karel

      Karel Segers Samurai Reviewed on September 28, 2015.
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        Many thanks, Karel. Great comment.

        “Awaiting the arrival of his time-travelling future self, an innocent man is ‘killed’ by a female undercover cop and ‘saved’ by a female bounty hunter who hallucinates slices of the future and must collect the bounty on his badass future self”.

        kbfilmworks Samurai Reviewed on September 28, 2015.
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          How does a man await the arrival of his time-travelling future self? Surely, the present version doesn’t know when to expect his future-self because the present version doesn’t know anything about the future version.

          priggy Logliner Reviewed on September 28, 2015.
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            Hi priggy,

            In time travel stories it’s not unusual for characters to encounter their future or past selves – in fact it’s a trope. By way of example, consider films such as: 12 Monkeys, Looper, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Men in Black 3, X-men: days of future past & Primer.

            kbfilmworks Samurai Reviewed on September 28, 2015.
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