A secret government test places 3 children that have been raised with no human contact on a deserted island to see how they develop.

Darkthorn Penpusher Asked on September 25, 2015 in Adventure.
Add Comment
5 Review(s)

Who is the hero? What does s/he do?

Karel Segers Samurai Reviewed on September 25, 2015.
Add Comment

This is more of a situation than a story. A story has a lead character who wants something (A goal) and someone or something that stands in the way of achieving that goal.

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on September 26, 2015.
Add Comment

The situation isn’t overly unique so the logline will need to really sell us on the characters. We should know who we are going to be rooting for and an idea of what their goal is going to be. Also, maybe consider giving us a geological or political starting point – US government? UK? Russian?

Alex Cassun Penpusher Reviewed on September 26, 2015.
Add Comment

The above critiques are really good.

My addition is that the logline does not quite make crystal if the trio have been raised together or completely apart.  (Which makes a big difference from a viewer empathy point of view.)

For viewer empathy to work on this situation, I think it is imperative that the three children have grown up and trained together so that they could at least be a viable team from the moment they are ‘dumped’ on their own.  Rather than acting like wary apes towards each other in the first sequence of tests.

Steven Fernandez Penpusher Reviewed on September 26, 2015.
Add Comment

What were they raised by? It’s cool but presently too vague.

Jennifer Feuerbach Penpusher Reviewed on September 27, 2015.
Add Comment

Your Review

By posting your review, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.