A soldier returns to his hometown only to find it more corrupt then before he left. In order to fix things he must go against everything he stands for.

Clint Horvath Penpusher Asked on September 28, 2015 in Crime.
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2 Review(s)

Good logline, Clint!

The inciting incident is the soldier’s realisation that his hometown is (more) corrupt. Can you make this more specific, and include an event that affects the soldier personally?

The goal ‘to fix things’ is strong, but somewhat vague. Typically, this will involve personal conflict. Who is he up against?

Finally, ‘go against everything he stands for’ is not visual enough for a movie. Can you be more specific here, too?

I hope this helps.

Welcome to Logline It!

Cheers,

Karel

Karel Segers Samurai Reviewed on September 28, 2015.
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Hello Clint,

Personnally, I like ‘everything he stands for’, which implies he is sensed also as a corrupt person:

‘When a soldier finds his hometown more corrupt than before he left, he must fight his own world to fix things.’

 ‘When a soldier finds his hometown more corrupt than when he left, he must fight what he stands for to fix things.’

Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat Samurai Reviewed on October 13, 2015.
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