A trio of combat veterans find solace in helping others leave their relationships

ThisainTreal Penpusher Asked on November 18, 2015 in Comedy.
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2 Review(s)

This is a potentially interesting idea.  Maybe.  Or maybe not.  I’m not sure.  The logline is too general; it fails to convey the sense of the idea you are promoting on your Twitter account– at least that’s my impression.

What do these “combat veterans” do?  Are they professional proxies, messengers of  bad news about relationships that people don’t have the courage to give  the bad news in person?  Or are they life-coaches, guiding people into making the hard decisions, the tough calls themselves?

And who among them is the alpha-character, the protagonist who thought up the idea, who organizes and runs the business?

And what’s the plot?  The logline, such as it is, establishes a general situation for a plot, but it doesn’t perform the prime imperative of a logline which is to delineate a plot.  As a result of setting up this “break up business”, what particular dramatic complication arises?  What becomes the protagonist’s objective goal?  Who/what opposes him?  What’s at stake?

dpg Singularity Reviewed on November 19, 2015.
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What you have described is the ‘norm’

The story set-up begins with everything normal, then something comes along which changes things. ‘A fly in the ointment’.

Here would be an example of a fly in the ointment.
A trio of combat veterans who find solace in helping helping individuals leave relationships face a dilemma when the leader decides the help a pair of former high school sweethearts mend their differences instead of helping them split.
So the norm would be, the group help couples break up, but the conflict begins when a member goes rogue and tries to help the couple stay together. Now there is tension in the group.

Everything’s normal — Something happens to break up the norm — problem < Problem < PROBLEM  — Resolution

You have only given us the pre-setup, so it is hard to decipher what the story is about.

Add those few details and you will have a more intriguing logine.

Hope that helped! Good luck with this!

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on November 20, 2015.
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