A widowed father desperately searches for his missing child when an unexpected incident with a biker gang puts his life and those of his friends in danger.

Amit Penpusher Asked on October 8, 2015 in Action.
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The structure of the logline works against itself try placing the inciting incident first i.e:
After his daughter is taken by a biker gang a widowed father must find save her before the gang leader gets to her.

Additionally child sounds impersonal and generic try daughter or son instead.

The inciting incident (literally labeled as such…)  “…an unexpected incident…” is to vague for a logline what was the incident specifically? It is the specifics and the nature of them which will make this a dramatic moment that motivates the MC to take action.

Lastly you hint at more than one goal: find the child, save his own life and his friends life, better to pick one. What is the primary goal? The A plot goal? Let this spear head your narrative and elevate the concept in the logline.

Hope this helps.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on October 9, 2015.
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Hi Nir, thank you for your time to post comments and suggestions, it’s much appreciated.

I have posted a rework of the logline and would welcome further feedback from you and others on this site.


Amit Penpusher Reviewed on October 27, 2015.
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