In the aftermath of nuclear war, a bleak NASA scientist builds and enters a virtual recreation of the past to find a way to save civilisation, only for the system’s AI to determine humanity is beyond saving and attempts to kill her.

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    Knightrider Mentor Asked on October 18, 2015 in SciFi.
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    4 Review(s)
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      Hello,
      there are interesting ideas in this concept,
      besides as a logline is not very readable (for me):  the sentence is too long.
      Can’t you define a clear main character, a clear goal and opponent ?

      In a virtual world created to prevent the end of the real world, a bleak scientist must fight a crazy AI to save the experiment, and the world.

      FFF Mentor Reviewed on October 21, 2015.

      Yep that is pretty much the idea in a nutshell, I guess sometimes it’s finding what works for as many people as you can as I find myself trying to please everyone and that’s impossible

      on October 21, 2015.
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        It is just a little wordy and there are words not working for me. Begrudgingly isn’t the right word for me and I am unsure it is needed. What about:

        After visions of an apocalypse a woman starts assassinating the people that will cause it when her son from the future comes back to kill her and bring about the end of the world.

        Still too wordy, but more action focused.

        Hope it helps.

        CraigDGriffiths Summitry Reviewed on October 19, 2015.
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          Since the AI has declared man’s future to be hopeless, why wouldn’t they want to stop it?  What’s the point of continuing to run the program? And why can’t the simulation be controlled externally?  Why the need to insert humanoids, virtually, into the simulation?

          dpg Singularity Reviewed on October 21, 2015.

          I have altered it to hopefully answer your questions

          on October 21, 2015.
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            Changed the logline so not as wordy, a problem I tend to have with a lot of my loglines, so it hopefully reads a lot better

            Knightrider Mentor Reviewed on October 22, 2015.
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