A woman whose mother was murdered when she was a child of twelve, is now, fifteen years later, working as a detective and still pursuing her mother's killer, who, it turns out, is closer than she thinks.

Spirit of Truth (2)

RichW Penpusher Asked on September 4, 2015 in Public.
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15 Review(s)

i am just going to take the liberty:  “when a detective receives a mysterious phone call, she dives back in the cold case of her’s mother’s murder.”

seanamulvihill Logliner Reviewed on December 7, 2015.
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“Fifteen years after her mother’s murder, a detective continues to pursue the killer, who is closer than she thinks.”

There, now you have another ten words to say what she must do to achieve her goal…

Lucius Paisley Logliner Reviewed on September 4, 2015.
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The second line in the logline (“…was a child of twelve, is now, fifteen years later, …”) is a very long way of saying 27yo. No need for this line as the MC’s age has no baring on the plot.

These kind of sentences “… is closer than she thinks…” work against a logline as they are vague and lack detail. Closer in what way? Physically? Emotionally? Geographically? If the murderer is a friend, family member or work colleague then say so in the logline.

The logline as a whole doesn’t describe a plot it describes a situation; this woman is doing this thing. What a logline nbeeds to do is describe a series of events that are connected via a cause and eefect relationship; because of this thing this woman must achieve this goal.

What is the MC’s goal? What is the inciting incident? The logline should be able to answer these questions.

Hope this helps.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on September 4, 2015.
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Why now?

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on September 4, 2015.
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Sure, why now? in other words it would help to specify what exactly put the story in motion.

FFF Mentor Reviewed on September 4, 2015.
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