A woman's ghost appears to her husband to try and prevent his suicide and convince him to go on living. The longer she stays the less chance she has of entering heaven and the harder it is for him to move on.

Sad – Working Title

CraigDGriffiths Overlord Asked on March 23, 2015 in Public.
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6 Review(s)

Not bad but I think there is some problems. If the longer she stays the harder it is for him to move on, why she doesn’t just let go and so solve her problem to enter heaven in time?

Besides, I would suggest to condense a little more:

A woman’s ghost must prevent his husband suicide before the heaven door close [but the longer she stays with him the harder it is for him to move on].

FFF Mentor Reviewed on March 23, 2015.
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Thanks. Condensing is my weakest skill.

She knows his suicide will condemn him. He is so depressed that he can’t go on. But like a bad break up, having her around is just making things worse. She is stuck with a number of bad options. Leave and watch him self destruct, stay and save him, but condemn her own soul.

The main theme is sacrifice.

CraigDGriffiths Overlord Reviewed on March 23, 2015.
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How about:

“With her grief ridden husband spiralling toward suicide, a recently dead woman has the chance for a ghostly return to convince him to go on – yet every minute she stays reduces her chance to enter heaven.”

The other factor you could work into the story is that he has some guilt over her death, which compounds his grief….and she is able to offer the forgiveness he may need.

SydneyPaul Default Reviewed on March 24, 2015.
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Perfect logline. For me anyway. It is not going to be my normal action/drama with people dropping like flies. I was talking to my daughter (filmmaker) and depending on how it goes. May consider shooting it in my house.

CraigDGriffiths Overlord Reviewed on March 25, 2015.
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Is this a short film?

If so the plot can afford less acts and a quicker resolution.

I would describe her as her self not a version there of instead of a woman’s ghost a woman stuck in limbo.

It would be better to raise the stakes and give her a must achieve or else goal such as:
After dying in an accident a woman stuck in limbo must prevent her grieving husband from committing suicide in order to be allowed into heaven.

Hope this helps.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on March 25, 2015.
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