A young lieutenant’s assignment to turn an antiquated battle cruiser into a traveling museum becomes a life and death struggle when he and his retiree crew must defend a colony world under attack.
Who is attacking the colony world ?? Why must they defend the colony world ??
Knowing these questions and including them would help us as a reader.
The logline starts of good and then I stopped caring when I got to the end.
Make us cheer for the lieutenant and his crew. Give us a clearer obstacle.
Did the battle cruiser need a new part and they stopped at a colony world to fix it ??
Is the colony world their home ??
Also you can cut down the wording for a much stronger approach.
We know by reading the logline that the battle cruiser is being retired and there is not a need to use “retiree” crew as I thought it meant:
1) The old crew who ran the battle cruiser (Senior Citizens)
2) A crew who’s last mission is the assignment
Hope this helps 😀