A young woman imprisoned in Greenland must prepare for her eventual release while at the same time dealing with the issue of guilt.

Open-Shut System

assaf Penpusher Asked on June 21, 2015 in Public.
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5 Review(s)

” A guild-ridden female prisoner in Greenland must…”

Must do what? “…prepare for her eventual release” is vague. Exactly what must she prepare? What is her objective goal? Who/what opposes her? What are the stakes?

dpg Singularity Reviewed on June 22, 2015.
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I like the irony in this logline, but I do feel the stakes could be raised somewhat. Keep him / her having the element of guilt in their lives, but perhaps on release he has decided to turn against his mobster family and be a narc for the police, but the more he stays with them the more he’ll become conflicted to protect the ones who betrayed him.

I don’t know, like I said I like the he is getting released, but perhaps is guilty. However seeing as he served time we would assume that, maybe if he was found innocent of a crime, and now people are after him because they think the only way he could have got away with it was to become an informant, so in an odd twist to the detective genre he could be trying to prove his guilt to avoid retribution.

Knightrider Mentor Reviewed on June 22, 2015.
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What DPG said, the concept lacks the basic elements that make a plot.

“…young woman…” is a very weak description of a main character as it is too generic and doesn’t imply a flaw for her to overcome.

Dealing with something is not an action it is the experience of an emption, these are all too common in loglines where a writer didn’t choose exactly what the character does.

What does she actually do in the story? What does she actually want?

Hope this helps.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on June 22, 2015.
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New life on the outside

assaf Penpusher Reviewed on June 22, 2015.
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