After a government lab accidentally unleashes an experimental virus, a suburban mom must struggle against her timid nature and a horde of mutated neighbors as she races to rescue her kids from certain death.

Lowell Penpusher Asked on October 26, 2015 in Horror.
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2 Review(s)

.Don’t know if this must go into the logline but:

Where are her children? In what circumstances?

Rutger Oosterhoff Samurai Reviewed on October 26, 2015.

That’s a very good point.

It’s a weekday and one kid is in daycare and the other kid is in school.  So she has to get them and navigate the town coming apart to get them to safety – that’s what most of the movie is about.

on October 26, 2015.

… Yes, now we know what’s at risk and what are the odds she cansave them. The further the daycare and the school are apart the more difficult it will be to save them. Maybe she even gets in a Sofie’s Choice situation in which she has to choose what kid to save first – running out of time to save the other. And of course the power of the mobile phones is slowly running out. All this while the school and daycare are overrun by zombies; teachers are becoming the kids worst nightmare. As if they weren’t already!  Nowhere to hide?! Or… Don’t know how far google few goes? Can you see people go from room to room? Then she can gide her kids. But she has only one mobile Phone. Cutting the connection can be to cut a life short…

on October 26, 2015.
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This sounds like a zombie cross family drama movie. When dealing with genre movies best to specify this, you can’t describe a zombie movie and expect people no to pick up on it. So if you are writing a zombie movie embrace and celebrate it by outright declaring what it is.

The zombie genre has been done to death (pardon the pun…) so I suppose a fresh take via a not yet seen genre cross over could work.

Only things that really jump out as problems are a logic flaw and character descriptions.
“…a suburban mom must struggle against her timid nature…” is a longer way of saying – timid mother, so best to employ more economy in the character description, in that sense brevity = impact.

Secondly after she gets her kids, then what? Where will they go for safety? How will they fend off the zombies? The concept reads like act 1 and half of act 2 but lacks the climax which according to the genre needs to be the MC’s reaching a safe haven so best to add in a description of the final safe place they will go to.

Hope this helps.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on October 26, 2015.

Yes.  Agreed that zombies are done to death and therefore I don’t want to go into that whole pile of junk.  I’m a huge zombie fan, but these days when I hear a zombie premise, I kind of click off.  This one would be more akin to something like the thing from The Thing.

And thank you!

on October 26, 2015.
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