After a hundred years of toxic air and water, everyone is either death or blind… until Lacy and her twin brother Sam come along.

Darkthorn Penpusher Asked on September 25, 2015 in Family.
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1 Review(s)

Hey Darkthorn,

Thanks for posting a few loglines. You’ve brought our numbers up, and you’ll soon be listed as a top logliner!

Still, I would recommend reading the “Training” section. Your loglines consistently lack a critical element.

The most important thing: they don’t give us any idea of what to expect in the story’s 2nd act. There is no clear goal.

Also, make sure there always is a clear, personal – and preferably SINGLE – main character. ¬†Until you’re well-versed in story development, and have a few successful projects, it is probably best to focus on single-protagonist stories.

I invite you to make an attempt to improve your loglines, and post the revised version in the comments. Please don’t re-publish any new versions. Always write them in the comments, as a reply to the user reviews. Thank you!

Cheers,

Karel

Karel Segers Samurai Reviewed on September 25, 2015.
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