After a tech genius jokingly replies to a scam e-mail, she must go on the run from a murderous prince who wants his twenty million dollars back.
I’m guessing — and I shouldn’t have to, the logline should make it clear — that the tech genius is being pursued either because she stole the money or because she is suspected of stealing the money. Which is it?
If she stole the money, then why would I want to root for her?
And if she is suspected of stealing the money “going on the run” is reactive, weak, and ineffectual as an objective goal. She might have to initially bolt for her life, but her objective goal would have to be to prove her innocence. Ergo, wouldn’t her objective goal, her only hope of surviving, be to find the real thief?
(Such as the plot for “The Fugitive”. Dr. Kimble’s objective goal is not to run from the FBI — although he must initially do that. His objective goal is to go back to Chicago, find out and prove to the satisfaction of the FBI who really killed his wife because it’s the only way he can get the FBI, in the person of agent Gerard. off his case.)
I like the original logline. I read it as he thought it was a scam so he set up a fake bank account, gave it to the scammer/prince (who was not a scammer and genuinely needed help — maybe because he was being held hostage by a gang), and when the money is transferred, he takes it all before the gang gets the money. So he ends up having to save the prince himself because he can’t go to the cops. So he assembles a group of hacker friends to go on a mission to save the prince.