After an attack turns him half-man half-abortion, an obstetrician uses newfound abilities to exact revenge on the attackers as his inner demon threatens to become flesh and kill him.

Borto

Lucius Paisley Logliner Asked on December 20, 2014 in Public.
Add Comment
17 Review(s)

How can an adult become “half-abortioned” — what does that means?

dpg Singularity Reviewed on December 22, 2014.
Add Comment

Think ‘Andre Delambre’ but less science-fictiony…

Lucius Paisley Logliner Reviewed on December 22, 2014.
Add Comment

The description of the inciting incident is unclear because most readers wont know what “…turns him half-man half-abortion,” means.

How else can you describe the event that starts the obstetrician on his journey?

“…newfound abilities…” is a vague description because as a reader I don’t know what these abilities are. Can you specify what he does? Reason this is needed is because this will constitute most of the action in act 2 i.e the majority of the film therefor it is important for the reader to know what it is.

The antagonists in this instance are important because they caused the inciting incident. However the antagonists have a generic description “…attackers…” for a reader to envisage the obstacle that awaits the MC better to describe the antagonists in a more accurate way.

Hope this helps.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on December 26, 2014.
Add Comment

Taking your thoughts into consideration, I now present to you the hand-holding” version which only just comes in at the 30 word mark.

‘After pro-lifers boil him alive in an abortion tank, an obstetrician now composed of fetal remains exacts revenge using shapeshifting powers while his inner demon becomes flesh to kill him.’

Lucius Paisley Logliner Reviewed on December 27, 2014.
Add Comment

Your Review

By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.