After his wife commits adultery , a proud South African farmer feels ostracized by his community and forms a codependent relationship with a French anarchistic cult couple that eventually turn violent on him and his family, but his fight for survival comes at tragic cost and he is confronted by the depths of his shame.
Hello, I like the idea, I think you can make it a lot shorter.
I would cut this part “but his fight for survival comes at tragic cost and he is confronted by the depths of his shame”,
because ‘tragic cost’ is vague, and ‘confronted by the depths of his shame’ is not a clear visual element of the plot (it seems more an explanation of the inner conflict).
Then ask yourself what is the real element that put the story in motion: the adultery, the meeting with the french couple, or the first violent act of the couple. I think the violence of the couple is not clear enough, what do you mean exacly? Maybe the adultery could be just back story?
I wonder if the nationality of the couple is really foundamental, in the logline. The fact that they are french doesn’t seem related to any other element in the logline. Maybe what is interesting is that the farmer is african native and the couple is caucasian, this could be the framework for a kind of sadomasochistic relation.
Finally, I miss a clear active goal for the main character. What is his goal? To win back the love of his wife? To punish her? To punish himself? The goal can change at the very end of the movie in the moment of the self revelation and this can be a very effective moment.
Every word counts, so ask yourself why each word is there. To understand if a word is necessary, ask yourself if it is related to other elements- if not it’s just a detail that should be avoided. I like the word “proud” for exemple because it’s the character’s flow and it relates to the adultery and, I imagine, to the final fight agaist the French couple (the main character’s flaw becomes his strenght).
Thanks man! I’m learning a lot on this platform. 😉
His Wound: shame caused by the infidelity and very strict parents
His Lie: he is unacceptable/flawed and inferior
His Want : to belong ( he does this by withdrawing out of town and latching on the french couple)
His Need: face his shame
The film is actually a tragic true story. The farmer can’t get true belonging and self respect before he faces his shame(inferiority complex) and keep making impulsive naive decisions to please people(co dependency) – including this crazy french couple who has in a sense become his safe haven ( where he finds belonging/ a fresh start outside his own community that shunned him). He basically puts everyone in danger in the process including himself and his NEW wife ( who only wants his money) when the french go on a killing spree after he tries to evict them off his farm. In the end he actually sells this farm which was in the family for 200 years because he is ruined by the deep shameful mess he got himself and others into. When he drives out of town, never to return, he gets a true self revelation, how self destructive his shame is , causing him to pretty much loose everything he cares about.
Super tricky to condense this!!