"After his wife commits suicide, a renowned lifeguard learns that a close family member is the rapist. He must learn to forgive or drown in sea of anger and hate"

Clemency

Andrew Bates Penpusher Asked on June 28, 2013 in No Category.
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4 Review(s)

My concern with this story – that may stop me from wanting to see it – is that I feel that the lifeguard is justified feeling anger and a certain amount of hate after discovering that a family member is essentially responsible for making his wife kill herself. I don’t see the urgency, or the imperative, for the protagonist to learn forgiveness. I don’t see a quest or a reason to root for the protagonist to achieve this goal. Is there a reason he MUST learn to forgive, besides his own internal equilibrium?

nicholasandrewhalls Penpusher Reviewed on June 28, 2013.
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That’s a good point of view… The family member is his brother, they’re inseparable. Obviously until he learns that his brother raped his wife.

Would it work differently if the logline ended in a question.. (not sure if that is a good idea to end a logline with a question)

“After his wife commits suicide, a renowned lifeguard learns that a close family member is the rapist. Will he forgive his brother or drown in sea of anger and hate?

what you think?

Andrew Bates Penpusher Reviewed on June 28, 2013.
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Why not just say so in the logline: “his brother”? “Close family member” is vague. It’s no big story giveway if the reveal is in Act 1 or early in Act 2. After all, the plot seems to pivot on that information.

dpg Singularity Reviewed on June 28, 2013.
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After his wife commits suicide, a renowned lifeguard learns that his brother is the rapist. Will he forgive him or drown in a sea of anger and hate?

Andrew Bates Penpusher Reviewed on July 1, 2013.
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