After offering a kidney to her sister they discover they were both adopted. They go on a search for family and a kidney based only on their Mum’s old diary.PS Adoptive parents are dead, can’t see how to fit that in.

DNA

CraigDGriffiths Mentor Asked on August 26, 2015 in Public.
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17 Review(s)

Hi.

Interesting story…

How about this:

“Two sisters discover they’re not related when one attempts to offer the other a life-saving kidney. They search for their real family guided only by notes in their dead ‘mother’s’ diary.”

Or something along those lines…

Good luck!

TabooCouple Penpusher Reviewed on August 27, 2015.
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Switch it. A dead Kidney donor is found to be an exact match for her recipient, meaning they were twins. The recipient must go on a detective hunt to find out how and why they were separated, and the search leads her across continents and through some of the twentieth century’s most tragic history.

landerson Penpusher Reviewed on August 12, 2016.
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Perfect. Thanks I was attack it wrong. I was looking at the relationship from one side. A relationship is two sided. This makes my story a two hander.

CraigDGriffiths Mentor Reviewed on August 27, 2015.
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Does it have to be a dual protagonist plot?

This sounds like a family drama and feels best told from a single point of view, either the sister trying to save or the sister trying to survive.

It has a nice built in ticking time bomb and high stakes so well done on that but it sounds like it has two goals. One goal to find their real parents the other to find a kidney I personally find the later more interesting. The stakes are higher and the time is running out, why would they care abut a mother they know nothing about when life is at risk?

The search for the real parent could work as a sub plot but it shouldn’t distract from the ‘A’ plot of saving her life and in as such has no place in the logline.

Hope this helps.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on August 27, 2015.
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Kidney donation is a fairly robust and automated process in many countries. A Economica Professor got a Nobel Prize for coming up with a solution to increasing te likelihood of find a match.

That being said your highest chance is finding someone in your own family that will be a match, which is the motivation for finding the sick sisters Mum.

Besides the logline the only other story element I have is the sick sister calling off the search. She become resigned to dying and finding her birth mum would prove they were not really sisters. She wants to die as a her sister than die trying to be someone else.

CraigDGriffiths Mentor Reviewed on August 27, 2015.
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