Against a backdrop of growing religious conflict with a foreign civilization, an idealistic scientist seeks truth while a young civil servant seeks power.

Heritage

olatundew Default Asked on August 31, 2015 in Public.
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6 Review(s)

This logline is confusing as it doesn’t describe a single main point of view character or specific goal and subsequently fails to illustrate a plot.

Who exactly is the story about and what does he or she specifically want?

“…seeks truth…” is too vague, in what way does he or she seek truth? What will this look like once achieved? Same applies to “…seeks power.”

Hope this helps.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on August 31, 2015.
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I revised yours in an effort to fill in anything missing so I could see what else is missing and I think I agree, the thing missing is the so what.
Here’s my revision. When you get to the end (even with the made up details), you still ask, and what happened, so what. Can you provide that?
When a Middle Eastern country is plunged into religious turbulence and war, two men seek a resolve. One, a scientist, finds anthropological reasons for the war while another, a civil servant, tries to solve the war by creating a new political s.ystem.

t9ejane Penpusher Reviewed on April 28, 2016.
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Are the scientist and civil servant on the same or different sides? The opening 11 words can be reduced to something like, “Amid religious turbulence…”

rkeller Penpusher Reviewed on August 31, 2015.
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“Amid religious turbulence and war, an idealistic scientist seeks the truth while a young civil servant seeks power.”

That’s a good question, because I’m struggling to define it. Both are from the same side in the war, but take very different positions (i.e. one is pro-war, the other anti). But as they don’t interact directly, I’ve seen them more as contrasting roles than opposing.

olatundew Default Reviewed on August 31, 2015.
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Thanks, both helpful.

“As their city is plunged into religious turbulence and war, an idealistic scientist uncovers its dark past while an ambitious civil servant seeks the power to shape its future.”

olatundew Default Reviewed on August 31, 2015.
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