An art forgery expert is set on an involuntary adventure that promises to solve an old crime and reveal the secret of her vanished family, all this after a mysterious man delivers an unusual package to her apartment.

Corridor One

corridorone Penpusher Asked on August 27, 2015 in Public.
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18 Review(s)

My biggest tip would be to make your logline chronological as your logline jumps around a bit and becomes very long and convoluted. Try and keep it clear and concise focusing on the story the way you would tell it in the screenplay.

Moses99 Mentor Reviewed on July 21, 2016.
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Based on a book Corridor One by Rafael H. Derchansky

Short Synopsis:
Dina, a tenacious art forgery expert, is suddenly dragged back into her past life when an extraordinary package is left at her apartment by a mysterious man who seems to know the most personal and intimate details about her past. Why now? Can he be trusted? With new revelations, her life quickly spirals into a maelstrom of confusion and Dina is torn between her innocent desire to believe the stranger and her professional instincts telling her that everything is not as it seems. As she struggles to understand what is happening, an unsolved, decades-old crime linked to a missing treasure becomes the center of her life. Embarking on an unexpected and mystifying adventure that interrupts her busy life, Dina must confront the shadows of her past and face the truth about her family. What happened more than twenty years ago when her father and brother were torn away from her? Together with her colleagues and their expertise, the mystery might be solved. But will her team unconditionally support her in her effort to put together the pieces of this long-broken puzzle? To shed light upon the truth, Dina will have to travel to a place that holds many painful memories and face the ghosts of her past. There she will learn about the fate of her doting father and beloved brother, who has been lost to a shadowy, clandestine organization known only to a few locals as Corridor One. Dina will have to rely on the help of an unlikely partner and an old, long-forgotten Siberian mental art to accomplish her goals. But is Dina alone on her path or is somebody quietly watching her steps?

corridorone Penpusher Reviewed on August 27, 2015.
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You’ve made the logline about as vague as possible: adventure, crime, secret, vanishing, mysterious, unusual…yeah but what actually happens? What makes this interesting?

mrliteral Penpusher Reviewed on August 27, 2015.
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Thank You.
“set on an involuntary adventure that promises to solve an old crime and reveal the secret of her vanished family” is this not enough?

corridorone Penpusher Reviewed on August 27, 2015.
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The latest draft of the logline is even more vague than the original. The use of descriptions such as “…promises to solve an old crime…” and “…secret of her vanished family..” do no elaborate on specific plot details.

Best to specify in a logline what the characters will actually do.

Secondly there are a few fundamental problems with the logline. The first is if the main character is made to go on a journey involuntarily then it is not interesting but if they have a burning need to achieve a goal and go on their journey motivated beyond doubt then they are worthy of an audience’s interest.
The second is there is no plot described because the logline lacks an inciting incident and a goal. Why must the main character go on their journey now and not a year ago or a year from today? What set the main character off on the journey? What is it the main character actually want and need to achieve? What is their goal? what will the end of the journey look like?

Don’t feel compelled to stick to the book page for page adapt it to the screen by converting the emotional charge of each chapter into cinematic visuals. Motivate the characters to act out of motivation and make choices that produce the same meanings as the inner monologue insights written in the book.

Hope this helps.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on August 27, 2015.
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