An insecure motivational speaker must walk a narrow line when he and his girlfriend are kidnapped by an inept super villain and forced to help conceive a plot that will guarantee him a seat on the council of super villains.


Adam Bernström Samurai Asked on March 27, 2013 in Public.
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4 Review(s)

This feels too long now. I would perhaps get rid of the ‘walk a narrow line’ as doesn’t really tell us anything specific. Could it be that,

‘When an insecure motivational speaker’s girlfriend is held hostage by an inept super villain, he must comply to the villain’s requests in the hope of getting her back.’

I’m not sure if this line helps but it tells us the story to know what this protagonist’s journey is and give us the stakes which are his girlfriend. I don’t think detailing that the villain wants a seat on the council of super villains, I think that can be held back, especially if you are running out of words.

Hope this helps.

Kriss Tolliday Default Reviewed on March 27, 2013.
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Hopefully it’s a comedy, because that’s definitely what it reads as.

wallss55 Default Reviewed on April 2, 2013.
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Yes, it’s a comedy.

Default Reviewed on April 2, 2013.
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Yes it is a comedy.

Adam Bernström Samurai Reviewed on April 3, 2013.
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