A law-abiding citizen finds himself in a notorious gangland bar awaiting the arrival of his future self: a killer on the run who needs his help to stay alive.
Is that really a reasonable “ultimate fear”, as in a phobia that someone would actually have?
I think it would be better to ditch that phrase, so you could describe the actual plot a little more.
I didn’t see Looper, but your premise sounds like a similar spin because all we know is that its a time-traveling story. If you describe the plot more, then it might set your story apart.
Also, instead of “man” I would use a more descriptive noun- “student”, “hobo”, “CEO”, whatever. Once you have a “his” in the log line, then we’ll know its a male anyway.
Very interesting concept, but seems a little confusing. I had to read it several times to get the gist of the story. If I understand it, he as the killer is seeking the help of his young self to stay alive, which begs the question – if he is such an up-right young man, why would he help is future killer self? I am guessing here, but I imagine the story delves into that choice, and why is it is ultimate fear. Does he have homicidal tendencies as a young man? Does he struggle with those urges, but discovers he ultimately gave in to them and now sees the man he will become and must choose?
These are the questions that pop into my mind when reading it, overall thought, I like the concept.