As the United Nations attempt to bring stability to the city of Dajar after the fall of a tyrannical regime, the lines between peacekeepers and soldiers become blurred when a new warlord rises and begins to butcher his way through Somalia.
The logline establishes a situation full of conflict — but, alas, does not delineate a plot that follows as a result of the conflict.
Who is the protagonist in this civil war? Given the turmoil and instability, what is his mission, his objective goal? What must he do before/or else (the stakes)?
I suggest you to try to write the logline from the point of view of the main character.
Avoid backstory (the fall of the tyran is backstory in my opinion).
Don’t mention “Dajar”, it means not so much – Dakar? in my opinion, the name of the city is not relevant to the story, not in a logline. Dakar or Mogadishu, not really relevant.
Agreed with the above.
A good film to analyze as research is Black Hawk Down, albeit a vastly different story, it has a similar back drop and like minded characters dealing with the same kind of dilemmas.
Secondly, to help clarify the stakes, best to identify the exact nature of the antagonist, this is so you will be able to specify the degree and type of danger the MC (who ever that ends up being) will face.
Hope this helps.
Yep, I am with the above comments… you can make your main character one of the peace keepers, who perhaps is driven to go beyond his remit because of a past failure and in his attempts to keep the peace becomes tyrannical in nature himself.
Or, he or hishe can uncover a conspiracy to keep the instability going to try and enforce their own laws and so he tries and to stop this but without evidence they are a villain of both countries.
You do have the background world just lacking a who, what to compliment the where and when