Based on true events, an African rises to become a samurai in the service of 16th century Japan’s most powerful warlord and aids him is his quest to unify Japan under one ruler.

martinreese Penpusher Asked on October 16, 2015 in Action.
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2 Review(s)

The subject matter and setting are interesting in this concept but this logline still fails to describe a clear plot and that is the primary purpose of a logline.

What was the event that motivated the MC to become a samurai?
What is his out objective goal he must MUST achieve?
How are the two connected to each other in a cause and effect relationship?

If you are able to answer the above questions in the next draft of the logline it will be a very strong concept and a well written logline which could lay the base for a great plot and even better script.

Don’t be afraid to stray from the documented facts of this true story, rather try and embellish it with dramatized plot points that will express the meaning of your story.

Hope this helps.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on October 16, 2015.
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If he was a slave, I think it ought to be included in the logline to highlight  the extraordinary arc of his story, the difference  between where he started in terms of his status — as a slave–  and where he ended up, as a samurai.  So that the logline reads something like:

The true story of an African slave who won his freedom and fought as a samurai for Japan’s most powerful warlord to unify the country in the 16th century. (29 words)

I think this is a great story with a strong hook.   It is definitely a story I would pay to see on the  silver screen.  Best wishes.

dpg Singularity Reviewed on October 17, 2015.
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