By joining a feminist cult, a young and bright woman embarks on a psychological exodus and decides to break with her past.

Aurelien R. Bayo Penpusher Asked on December 22, 2015 in Thriller.
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I think the potentially intriguing concept wants for sufficient details to  wet a  reader’s interest in the script.  For example, “Psychological exodus” is vague and nonspecific.  And “break with her past” doesn’t tell us what to look forward to in the story.  And what is the ideological purpose of this “feminist cult.”  Overthrow the patriarchy? Pass ERA? Or…?  What makes this cult of dramatic interest, a threat to the prevailing order and/or a hope for repressed and subjugated women?

As a result of joining the cult, what becomes her specific objective goal?  What is the  specific dramatic problem that she must resolve?   Who/what opposes her — who becomes her nemesis?  What’s at stake — what does she stand to gain if she succeeds, lose if she fails.

dpg Singularity Reviewed on December 22, 2015.

This is really helpful dpg, thanks a lot! Here’s my second try:

     Following a traumatic experience, a young bright woman seeks refuge in a feminist commune. When she discovers the group is an extremist cult designed to overthrow the patriarchy, she is forced to question her own identity and innermost beliefs.
on December 31, 2015.
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