Disillusioned with God and the modern world, an immortal man suffering from an existential crisis attempts to immanentize the eschaton- bring heaven on Earth. He resorts to murder and underhandedness as means to justify his end. Title: Aeturnum

Adamu95 Penpusher Asked on December 31, 2015 in SciFi.
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3 Review(s)

These are thematic ideas that need to be dramatized. Remember, a screenplay is not a treatise.

kbfilmworks Samurai Reviewed on December 31, 2015.
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Ask kbfilmworks said.

I have no idea what the story is about.  Nor how “bring heaven on earth” translates into a specific objective goal.  Or why I should want to care about a character who is so amoral that he “resorts to murder and underhandedness as a means to justify his end”.

The one thing I know for certain is that the logline should drop “immanentize the eschaton”.   99.573% of the people who read the phrase  will have no idea what the means.  Loglines should inform, not confuse or puzzle.

dpg Singularity Reviewed on January 1, 2016.
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Agreed with Kbfilmworks and DPG.

In addition, the use of generic description and lack of detail make it hard to picture what the story will look like and how the plot will play out. The reason is that the logline doesn’t describe in detail the necessary story elements making it  un clear (in specific terms) what kind of person the main character is, what starts him off on his journey and what his goal is.

Here is a helpful guide which outlines the vital components necessary for constructing loglines:
http://logline.it/howto/

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on January 2, 2016.
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