Down on his luck and fed up with his life in general, a black male is stopped by police in search of a suspect that fits his description.

ADBonaparte Penpusher Asked on September 29, 2015 in Drama.
Add Comment
5 Review(s)

When a down-on-his-luck black male is stopped by police in search of a suspect that fits his description, he…

steveylang Samurai Reviewed on September 29, 2015.
Add Comment

As noted by others, the logline sets up an inciting incident for a plot, but it doesn’t tell us what the plot is.  That is, what must he do, what becomes his objective goal as a result of being pulled over.

dpg Singularity Reviewed on September 29, 2015.
Add Comment

I agree with Stevey here. There are too many different directions this could go in. The situation you’ve described is something that happens every day in America and the whole world. We need you to tell us what makes this character special. What does he finally do when he reaches his tipping point?

cinemachado Penpusher Reviewed on September 29, 2015.
Add Comment

Hello,
try to focus on the whole movie not only on the initial situation or the inciting event. It’s a starting point, now think about where the story goes… what happens?

FFF Mentor Reviewed on September 29, 2015.
Add Comment

Needs more story. Why was he stopped? What happened after or before being stopped? This sounds like the catalyst for the actual story.

Tim Aucoin Penpusher Reviewed on September 30, 2015.
Add Comment

Your Review

By posting your review, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.