When a troubled American expatriate is offered work at the Tengen Hotel, he soon discovers that Tokyo’s most exclusive hotel is also the base of operations for a major crime syndicate. Now embroiled in their conspiracy to appropriate control over the city, the expatriate must choose between duty or sentiment as both his mettle and loyalty are put to the test.

After Dark

Adamu95 Penpusher Asked on May 14, 2015 in Public.
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16 Review(s)

I’ll be honest enough to say I don’t know what a dispora is. And I’m a writer. But I can tell from the rest of the logline what kind of story this is. I just don’t have enough of a handle on what he must do in order to prove his loyalty and maybe need a hint as to why. Are they going to kill him? Kill his girlfriend etc.?

sloanpeterson Samurai Reviewed on May 14, 2015.
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Embroiled in a conspiracy, (Be specific, what conspiracy) an American x-diaspora-x (not sure if this is the correct word) x-with a turbulent past-x (Don’t need to tell us this in the logline) must prove his loyalty to a major Japanese crime syndicate (By doing this).

How about something like this: (your’s will be different of course)

“Embroiled in a conspiracy to take down the stock market, a troubled American ex-patriot must prove his loyalty to the Yakuza by killing the head of the national bank; his former mentor.”

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on May 14, 2015.
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A diaspora is basically an immigrant and there isn’t a specific thing he must do to prove his loyalty. And I’m gonna be totally honest with you, this log line barely covers half of the script which is a television drama, not a movie by the way.

Adamu95 Penpusher Reviewed on May 14, 2015.
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I have always thought that a diaspora is when a large group of people are forced to leave their homeland.

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on May 14, 2015.
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What Richiev said. The logline needs to be more specific on the plot points.

I’ve read of the term diaspora referring to other groups dispersed from their homeland for one reason or another, but rarely to American citizens. I believe the more common term for Americans living abroad is expatriate.

dpg Singularity Reviewed on May 14, 2015.
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