Everyone that touches Berry instantly dies a horrible, painful death. Can he get out of the busiest city in the US without killing anyone else?

Darkthorn Penpusher Asked on September 25, 2015 in Thriller.
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2 Review(s)

I think we need  a bit more to hint at the humanity of Berry.  A great irony would be that he is a doctor or care worker.   Even better if Berry only acquired his ‘condition’ very recently and with no readily apparent cause.  If Berry had this condition long term, for instance, then it would be hard to believe he would become anything other than a sociopath (not a character type we could easily be in sympathy with!).

Also the set up does not leave any obvious scope for deep character development of Berry.  He is in a desperate situation, fair enough.  But might there be a life lesson for him in this as well?

Steven Fernandez Penpusher Reviewed on September 26, 2015.
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No need to mention the main character’s name also this logline describes a situation not a plot.

What does the MC want? What is his goal? What action will he pursue during act 2 of the film?

What is his character flaw?

What is his inciting incident? What sets him off on his journey to achieve his goal?

Check out this page for logline basics it may help with future re drafts:
http://logline.it/howto/

Hope this helps.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on September 27, 2015.
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