Investigating a series of sadistic crimes, a shady Inspector must protect the only survivor and thwart the machination of a sadomasochistic duo to prove his innocence.

Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat Samurai Asked on September 28, 2015 in Noir.
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2 Review(s)

The logline reads as if it mentions the inciting incident at the end. If the inspector is accused of murder that should be put in the beginning so it motivates him to pursue proof of his innocence.

Secondly troubled is too generic a description for a character flaw, troubled in what way? What does this make him do? Or not do? How does this flaw effect him or the world around him? Because it raises more questions than answers the MC’s inner journey is not clear.

Secondly, there appear to bee two goals protect the only survivor and prove his innocence which of these is the goal of the A plot which the MC must achieve or else? Take that answer as the only goal to mention in the next draft of the logline.

Hope this helps.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on September 29, 2015.
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Than you Nir, you’re right about the reading.
Actually, this “troubled” but efficient inspector is known for being a bit too much fascinated by sadomasochistic games, and suspected to have some practice. When he comes too close to the duo he is investigating about, they compromise him and make him suspected of being the author of the next crimes. so everything is about the A story.

Maybe the following logline would be better?
“Investigating a series of sadistic crimes, a shady Inspector must protect the only survivor and thwart the machination of a sadomasochistic duo to prove his innocence.”

It seems like “sleazy” or “shady” or “fishy” sense is too strong, unless the French translation “louche” doesn’t mean exactly the same thing: there is only a doubt about his sex morality. He frequents  SM world and/as this is his investigating spesialism.  he is suspected to like and maybe pratice “light” SM games, but not to be violent or dangerous.

Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat Samurai Reviewed on September 29, 2015.

I see.

The latest draft of the logline still has three goals: protect the only survivor, thwart the machinations of an SnM duo and prove his innocence.
You need to pick one goal to elaborate on in the logline, so which is the A plot final goal?

Secondly the description of shady for the MC is not a good one to use in a logline it makes him seem like a morally corrupt person unless his inner journey will be to become a person with integrity then best to change the character flaw description.

Hope this helps.

on October 2, 2015.
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