In 1983 when a comedian wakes up with amnesia, dressed in a tutu, he is threatened by a notorious drug dealer and must now discover his true identity in order to save his life.

Funny Memory

Tai scrivener Penpusher Asked on August 9, 2014 in Public.
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3 Review(s)

What is the specific threat made by the notorious drug dealer? How does he escape; and how long does he have to find out who he is?

nicholasandrewhalls Penpusher Reviewed on August 11, 2014.
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Thanks for your feedback. Have reworked slightly.

In 1983, when a comedian wakes up with amnesia and unaware of his cocaine addiction, his life is threatened by a gun wielding mad man who gives him 48 hours to pay his debt. He must now discover his true identity and figure out how to pay this mysterious debt.

Tai scrivener Penpusher Reviewed on August 12, 2014.
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Why is it set in 1983? The answer may appear in the script, but if it isn’t clear in the logline, you’re only raising questions without answering them, and that’s no good. You want to make a reader interested in the script because they’re interested in the story, not confuse them regarding its details.

There’s no reason we need to know in a logline he’s wearing a tutu when he wakes up. Give us the general idea of the story, establish the protagonist and his major conflict, save the details for a synopsis or treatment. And keep it short, as short as possible while still making it sound intriguing. Something like this:

“A cocaine-addicted comedian with amnesia has 48 hours to pay off the drug dealer threatening to kill him, put on a show that could launch his career, and find out who he really is.”

This makes clear not only the conflict but the stakes and the antagonist, without forcing any questions about things that don’t make sense without more information. I don’t know if your script includes anything about doing his act, but he’s got to be doing something more than just trying to find money to pay the guy and not get killed, so it’s good to mention that part of the story.

mrliteral Penpusher Reviewed on August 24, 2014.
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