In a disillusioned farmer’s quest for contentment he finds more than he bargained for when he houses a new ager couple who transpires to be savage doomsday preppers.

wimsteytler Penpusher Asked on November 2, 2015 in Thriller.
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3 Review(s)

The MC’s goal is unclear, what is his definitive, objective and visually clear goal? Contentment (a feeling) falls short due to a lack of specificity – we don’t know how it will manifest.  So what is it he needs in order to be content? Make that his goal.

Secondly what is the starting point of your story? In other words, what is the inciting incident which forces him to chase his goal now?
The “…new ager…” couple could be a good obstacle, but their involvement in his life needs to be justified. It is a little hard to believe, that he would just let them walk into his life and ruin it. Perhaps if they were relatives of his a brother or sister etc… he would be compelled to let them in, and discover only in retrospect what he had done.

Hope this helps.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on November 3, 2015.

Thanks for the feedback. How’s this version : After going through a divorce, a lonely farmer finds companionship in a new age cult couple, but has to fend for his life when they are revealed to be savage doomsday preppers

on November 6, 2015.
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When a disillusioned farmer houses a new ager couple who transpires to be savage doomsday preppers… then what happens ? Focus on goal and conflict,   the story is about what happens when the farmer discovers that the couple are doomsday preppers. Sure it could be a good twist but you can’t build the whole movie about this twist that seems too occur early in the movie.

FFF Mentor Reviewed on November 5, 2015.

Thanks for the feedback. How’s this version : After going through a divorce, a lonely farmer finds companionship in a new age cult couple, but has to fend for his life when they are revealed to be savage doomsday preppers

on November 6, 2015.
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Not only is the farmer’s goal unclear, so is the threat.  What does “more than he bargained for mean”?   What exactly is the threat the doomsdayers pose?  I’ve known more doomsdayers than I care to count or recall, but they were more a danger to themselves than to others. Just because some one is a doomsdayer doesn’t mean he’s a menace to others.

dpg Singularity Reviewed on November 5, 2015.

Thanks for the feedback. How’s this version : After going through a divorce, a lonely farmer finds companionship in a new age cult couple, but has to fend for his life when they are revealed to be savage doomsday preppers.

on November 6, 2015.
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