In Sydney, 1959, a Labour politician uncovers a corrupt scheme to terminate the city’s trams. Will he defy his Party or lose the respect of everyone he values, himself included?

Rob_McKenzie Penpusher Asked on December 12, 2015 in Noir.
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3 Review(s)

A logline isn’t a question.  When marketing a story you may want to leave people with a question (a bit 1970 in my opinion).  You should state the person, their goal, what triggers their goal and what stands in their way.

CraigDGriffiths Mentor Reviewed on December 12, 2015.
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All the elements are there, and as a marketing logline I think it works fine.

To diagnose it, sometimes it’s easier to apply our formula:

Sydney 1959. When a Labour politician uncovers a corrupt scheme to terminate the trams, he must defy his Party or lose the respect of everyone he values, himself included.

The only caveat I have is that ‘defy his Party’ doesn’t sound particularly cinematic. What specifically will the politician need to DO in the 2nd act? Perhaps the logline would be stronger if you include the antagonist, so it becomes clearly a personal conflict.

Karel Segers Samurai Reviewed on December 15, 2015.
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More specific stakes than “respect and values” might be the politician’s own political career, his future.  Exposure of the scheme could either threaten his prospects in an upcoming election or advance his ambitions, if he plays his cards right.

dpg Singularity Reviewed on December 23, 2015.
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