In the final moments before facing the firing squad, the charismatic leader of a murderous robbery gang makes one last request: to have her confession heard by the priest who was once her lover.

kbfilmworks Samurai Asked on November 2, 2014 in Public.
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Well, there’s a situation, a setup for the 1st Act. And then what? What’s his game plan? What becomes his objective goal upon the reveal?

dpg Singularity Reviewed on November 3, 2014.
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You should focus on the lead character in the logline, the priest or the leader of the gang. (Can’t tell from the logline who’s the lead character)

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on November 3, 2014.
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Here is a revised draft addressing your comments.

kbfilmworks Samurai Reviewed on November 3, 2014.
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As the previous comments have suggested this logline lacks a clear MC and goal. I would add that it is too long and has far to much detail of the setting and events in the story that don’t really need to be included in the logline.

Really depends on who is the MC that will determine the re structuring of this loglie.

Hope this helps.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on November 3, 2014.
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>>struggle to make peace with their past….grapple with his own past

That suggests a story line that marches forward by looking backwards, with its gaze fixed on where its been rather than where it’s going.

The prisoners are facing imminent death. All their memories are about to be annihilated. What good will “making peace with their past” do, what dramatic purpose does it serve? Which, after all, seems to be dealing with subjective issues.

A logline is about objective goals. And objective goals should face forward in time, not backwards. Whatever the memories, whatever the issues in the past, the plot should be about the main character dealing with the situation that exists here and now.

fwiw.

dpg Singularity Reviewed on November 3, 2014.
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