“In the future, when only pockets of civilization have survived a worldwide famine, one young nomad will have to overcome prejudices and allegiances if he is to learn the four lessons that his dead guardian tasked him with pursuing as his dying wish.”

Producers, Nomads, and Rogues (No Title Yet)

Shadow Penpusher Asked on October 22, 2014 in Public.
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3 Review(s)

Some background info:

After the worldwide famine, 3 different lifestyles had evolved: Producers, who live in fortified locations growing food. They are defensive. Rogues, who live by attacking and raiding the producers. They are aggressive. And Nomads, who travel from fortified location to fortified location trading with both producers and rogues. They are neutral.

As the protagonist is at his dying guardian’s side, the guardian gives him a note that has a list of 4 places he is suppose to travel to to learn lessons that he will never be able to teach his “adopted son”.

Shadow Penpusher Reviewed on October 22, 2014.
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Why does he have to learn 4 lessons? What does fulfilling tasks given to him by a dead man have to do with his living/surviving in the here and now? (The objective goal of the protagonist should face the future, not the past.)

What’s at stake? What does he stand to gain by learning, stand to lose by not learning?

And who — not what — opposes him? “Prejudices and allegiances” are abstractions. They need faces; they should be embodied in an antagonist.

dpg Singularity Reviewed on October 22, 2014.
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Thanks for the advice dpg. I was having trouble with the motivation and the driving force behind the story.
How about this:

“In the future, after only pockets of civilization have survived a worldwide famine, a young nomad will have to have to race against time to learn the lessons that his deceased guardian left for him, in order to defeat the rogues that are hunting him, without sacrificing his pacifism.”

^REWRITE EVERYBODY

Shadow Penpusher Reviewed on October 23, 2014.
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