On a dare a naive orphan tries to get aboard a legendary space ship, getting past an over zealous security guard, and back to the orphanage before dinner.

Model Citizen

Adam Bernström Samurai Asked on September 9, 2012 in Public.
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4 Review(s)

I really like this logline. Feels like Zathura or The Goonies or even a scifi Slumdog Millionaire. Great work.

However, I would consider deleting or replacing “getting past an over zealous security guard”. The logline would be cleaner and let the reader’s imagination run riot.

While the security guard (and can you be over zealous when you are guarding a legendary space ship) is clearly the main obstacle and antagonist, it just raises the question “Why does a legendary space ship only have 1 security guard?” If you imagine the logline for HUGO, do you think it would mention Sacha Baron Cohen’s character? Maybe, but I doubt it.

ChasFisher Default Reviewed on September 9, 2012.
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I like this too. However, I’m interested to know how this story pans (labrynth) out – is the script written or is it just a logline at the moment?

I would suggest that what starts as a simple dare turns into a major mission and the orphan finds himself in a mission to save … life as we know it ? An animal cruelty laboratory? Ace Ventura Pet detective in Space?

His goal to get on and back has to go disastrously wrong… we need to get a sense of that…

Is it comedy / sci fi ? Drama ? Which genre / genres ?

Filmstar Default Reviewed on September 9, 2012.
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I have yet to see Hugo. Gotta get it on Blu-ray and watch it some day. Have seen Sacha Baron Cohen in the trailer, though.

The idea is that it’s two bullies who makes the dare, and holds the protagonists model space ship (a model of the ship he’s trying to get on board) as “ransom” and will smash the model if he doesn’t make it back in time. Maybe I should try to include that in the logline instead…. I haven’t figured out how to do that without the logline getting very long, though. The model plays into the title as well, plus being a pun as the bullie’s dare forces him to break rules/laws to get to the ship and board it. The security guard is in charge of the space port.

Adam Bernström Samurai Reviewed on September 9, 2012.
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I’ve started writing the script. It’s actually only meant to be a short film and aim for 20 pages (or minutes if you like)

It’s going to be a bit about bullying, I think, since it’s a couple of bullies who gets him to do it. And since I’m a fan of Save the Cat! there will be an All Is Lost moment.

Genre: Space Opera/Science fiction, with some humor. Or Golden Fleece in STC terms.

Adam Bernström Samurai Reviewed on September 9, 2012.
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