On the eve of his gay uncle’s anniversary dinner, Marcus must again struggle with alcohol and the impact it continues to have on the family.
I like the premise of of this story; especially since alcoholism affects the families (as per AA Big Book & RA Multilith Big Book).
I would like to know something more about the uncles that gives me a sense of their personalities, persona, or position in the family as a couple. Or perhaps we don’t know that they are a gay couple until later in the story (A REVEAL!).
Maybe they don’t socialize with the family much, however decide to bite the bullet and do so for their 50th Anniversary (I was working on a previous version of the logline that included 50th Anniversary and their names, and for some weird reason the page refreshed on me, and I can’t find it!).
Also would suggest doing the same for either the family and/or the nephew to give us some sense of his issue, or what he’s up to AND against in this life.
For example: “On the eve of his RECLUSIVE Uncles’ anniversary dinner, a NEUROTIC Marcus, continues to alienate family members as he spirals deeper into his alcoholism by manipulating and attacking each one.
What can I say? I grew up watching many engrossing, psychological, dark, Ingmar Bergman films.
Of course you know the story, so add what’s representative of the characters and starting points for the arcs.
I haven’t read any of the other replies so I hope I’m not being redundant. Just signed up here and jumped in right away!
>>the impact it continues to have on the family
The impact needs to be specific and a worst possible event that could happen to the main character (Since this story constitutes the crisis/climax of his protracted bout with alcoholism, right?) Like he killed his uncle in an auto accident while driving him to the surprise party, got arrested for DUI and manslaughter and is now sobering up in jail, doesn’t have the money to post bail, as everyone else is arriving for the party.
If Marcus is the central character and alcoholism and its consequences the central problem, then the fact that his uncle is gay seems incidental. To be sure, it’s a character shading that would certainly enrich the story — but I don’t see how it’s pivotal for the purposes of the logline; hence, I don’t see why it would need to be mentioned in the logline.
Given the constraints for the length of a logline, every syllable takes up valuable reading real estate and should not occupy the space unless it is absolutely central to selling the plot.