Paranoid Harry, a shell-shocked lieutenant, is sent to stop a general gone mad, commanding a nuclear missile silo, before he starts world war 3.

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Nir Shelter Singularity Asked on May 29, 2012 in Public.
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5 Review(s)

“Paranoid Harry, a shell-shocked lieutenant, is sent to stop a general gone mad, commanding a nuclear missile silo, before he starts world war 3.”

I think the phrasing and punctuation is wrong.

“Paranoid Harry, a shell-shocked lieutenant, is sent to stop an insane general who “has commandeered”/ “is in charge” of a nuclear missile silo before he starts WWIII/ World War III.”

As a logline, it seems to be okay, just not sure there is much of a story there. Reminds me of “Dr. Strangelove”. Can’t tell the genre from the logline, either. “Paranoid Harry” sounds comedic to me.

Good luck. Hope the feedback was helpful!

sharkeatingman Default Reviewed on May 29, 2012.
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I immediately thought Dr. Strangelove on steroids. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. It seems the idea is contingent upon Paranoid Harry being a brilliant character, because its so forceful in the logline.

cubitfox Default Reviewed on May 30, 2012.
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Thanks for that reckon your right I am struggling with the wording on this one.
Not sure how to phrase it in a logline to sum up the story.

Genre – thriller will be mixed with lots of dry humor. Any thoughts would be most welcome.

Act 1:
Harry a returned lieutenant is given a low stress assignment in a remote sleepy outback town under General Thomas A Brinker in a nuclear missile silo scheduled for disarmament.
Inciting incident:
Brinker initiates general lock-down and emergency procedures.

Act 2:
Harry manages to contact HQ but is not taken seriously due to his known sever paranoia.
Harry can’t stop the General. His starting a launch sequence confirms for HQ what Harry claimed.

Act 3:
Harry must delay the launch sequence from finalizing to allow an airstrike time to destroy the silo.
He overcomes his paranoia, prevents nuclear war and dies in the airstrike.

Very similar to “Dr Strangelove” in premise and in an end game scenario to “War game” and even “Spies Like Us” to a degree. But this story is of Harry’s journey inner – to overcome his psychological problems whilst outer – to save the world!

Thanks for the help.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on May 30, 2012.
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You’re crafting an exciting action thriller here. Fascinating inner journey, action-packed outer journey and high stakes!

My suggestion:

Rather than “stop a general gone mad”, be more specific on what Harry needs to do to stop the general. Does he physically journey to the silo with a team to arrest him? Or is he on the phone negotiating for the madman to surrender as he threatens to blow up certain cities?

This also applies to your Act 2 summary.

I suggest something like:

When a general gone mad threatens to start nuclear war, a paranoid, shell-shocked lieutenant must infiltrate a missile silo to arrest him.

patrockable Default Reviewed on May 31, 2012.
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Yes perhaps it should start with the stakes rather than the MC.

The lieutenant is already in the silo when he discovers the general’s intentions and finds it hard to get the word out to HQ due to his condition (for which he was sent there in the first place…).

“When a lieutenant discovers a general madly in command of nuclear missiles, he is forced to sacrifice him self in the struggle to prevent world war 3.”

Thanks Patrockable.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on May 31, 2012.
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