Parents of first-in-the-family MBA graduate mortgaged their house for his education. In his first consulting job out of school he is given ‘impossible’ client and must save client to save his job and parent’s home

TheBear Logliner Asked on December 11, 2015 in Drama.
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2 Review(s)

This sounds more like a comedy than a drama. Suggested improvement: “When his  parents mortgage their house to pay his fees, a new MBA must keep an impossible client or lose his job and his chance to save his parent’s home.”

Rob_McKenzie Penpusher Reviewed on December 12, 2015.
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The structure of the logline indicates that the parents are the main characters, though I’m sure the opposite is true. I suggest switching the order around to indicate who the story is really about.
After an MBA graduate’s parents mortgage their house to pay for his education, he must….

Secondly, the verb “…save…” is not clear enough an action for a logline. What is it exactly that he must do in order to save the client? As this action will constitute most of act 2, it needs to be specified in the next draft of the logline.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on December 21, 2015.
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