So his injured penis can heal an alpha-male is put on libido removing medication, disrupting his win at all costs mentality and threatening his chances of becoming street luge champion.
Sounds like an Adam Sandler movie :).
The story is there though, so I suppose as a logline it works perfectly. Wether the story works is another matter indeed, impossible to say from just a logline. Not sure we need to mention the injured penis.
My only concern would be that it could be concieved as two stories in one?
How about…”When (Insert main characters name), an alpha male, loses his libido along with his win at all costs attitude, his chances of becomming street luge champion fade.”
Thanks holbrook. Good stuff. I think there would be two stories. There would be the attempting to win the championship, and a romantic one, where the lack of libido opens his eyes to the world.
I do like your version of the logline. I guess I could use either, depending on who it was marketed to. Using the word penis is a (albeit cheap) way to attract attention. Gives you a better idea that it is a bit of a light hearted comedy.
The street luge champion hits you like a brick at the end of the logline. It is a crucial part of information to do with the goal of the character. But the logline suggests it will about his world once he has given up on the luge championship because of the injury.
Use of the word alpha male makes me think of him as a prize A chimp, but they maybe by personal taste at the use of that word.
Sorry, I put DO SOMETHING in brackets and it didn’t show. Here’s what I meant to say:
When a confident street-luger injures his penis and is put on libido reducing meds, he must ::DO SOMETHING:: to win the championship.”
Fill in DO SOMETHING with the action he must take to overcome the effects of his meds, and win the championship.