Thwarting constant deportation attempts while managing daily household affairs, a young illegal immigrant girl musters precocious wits to win her school the national academic games championship

Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat Samurai Asked on September 28, 2015 in Family.
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4 Review(s)

Hi JM,

Have a look at the guidelines here: http://logline.it/howto.

I would definitely include an Inciting Incident, to streamline the first act. What is it that kickstarts this story?

I also assume there is a connection between the championship and her chances of avoiding deportation. Can you link the two in the logline? That way we understand the stakes of the contest.

Hope this helps!

Cheers,

Karel

Karel Segers Samurai Reviewed on September 30, 2015.
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Hello Karel,

This is a short + a project for a feature.
Actually, there is no real inciting incident: the movie opening is an ordinary wake up before breakfast and going to school.
The short is about one day, the feature could be a social chronicle in the vein of Short Term 12.

I’ll try to rewrite something better.

Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat Samurai Reviewed on October 1, 2015.
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Thanks. That explains it.

But …

“the movie opening is an ordinary wake up before breakfast and going to school” …

Ahum…

Don’t do this, JM. EVERY student film opens like this!! 😉

Find a better opening of your film. A hook that will immediately grab us.

NOTHING in a film should be ‘ordinary’ to the audience, even if it is to the character (their ‘Ordinary World’).

Karel Segers Samurai Reviewed on October 1, 2015.
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The opening scene shows Chubby Wubby given the gold medal at the ceremony of Academic Games, then the second scene opens on the wake up, so the ceremony could a dream…

Chubby Wubby is  a 10 years old girl.

By the way, I didn’t found how to enter the tilte of the story.

Thanks.

JM

Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat Samurai Reviewed on October 1, 2015.
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