To get the girl of his dreams a timid momma’s boy must team up with the local cat burglar, but her unorthodox methods put more than his love life at risk.

Stolen Hearts

Paul Clarke Logliner Asked on September 10, 2013 in Public.
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14 Review(s)

What’s missing is ‘how’ teaming with the cat burglar will win the girl:

“In order to win the girl of his dreams a timid momma’s boy must team with a local cat burglar to steal back his true loves family heirloom that was taken from her by a greedy banker.”

Hope that helped, good luck with this!

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on September 10, 2013.
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Hi,

I have to agree. How does robbery equate to love? Explaining this will aid your logline.

Good luck

wilsondownunder Default Reviewed on September 10, 2013.
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As above … there is no clear causal link between teaming up with the cat burglar and winning the girl over. Is there something that the cat burglar has that he makes a deal to get, which will lead to impressing the girl?

nicholasandrewhalls Penpusher Reviewed on September 11, 2013.
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Paul Clarke:

What the others said. This seems to version 2.0 of a logline posted on June 13, 2013. It seems you have an itch you’re trying to scratch around the plot conceit of a female cat burglar, but I can’t figure out what it is.

dpg Singularity Reviewed on September 12, 2013.
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I agree. The how/why link between cat burglar and the boy’s love is unclear. Also, how would a timid momma’s boy know who the cat burglar is? If he did, wouldn’t everyone else know?

What I DO like is it sounds like there is a solid narrative arc here to build upon.

pmd Default Reviewed on September 12, 2013.
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