After an unruly party, a college dropout must share a paper route with his 12 year old overachieving neighbor to cover the damage.

jacksonhpeters Penpusher Asked on October 8, 2015 in Comedy.
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2 Review(s)

It is funny and I get a feel from it that it is a comedy.  I would say burnout shares a paper route which is just less wordy.  It kind of makes me say  “and?”  I guess some would say it needs some kind of high stakes.  Does he just pay off the damage and go back to being a burnout?  I feel like there’s much more to it.

sloanpeterson Logliner Reviewed on October 8, 2015.

Hello! and thank you!  I reworded it a bit as you suggested. As for the growth, definitely. Do I indicate that in the logline?

on October 8, 2015.
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Agreed with the above.

The wording lets the concept down better to start with the inciting incident and end with the goal.

After damaging his friends house a high-school dropout must share a paper route with his 12 yo overachieving neighbor.

Why is high-school drop out important to the plot it seams more of a device to create an odd couple with the over achiever, is there a better description for the MC a character flaw that could give him a reason to change? If so better to use that instead as a description.

Hope this helps.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on October 8, 2015.

Thanks for the reply. Not sure what adjective to use, so I used burnout. In my mind, the main character is in limbo between high school and university/not university. He grows and learns from the experience to get his life together. It’s a rebirth plot

on October 8, 2015.
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