TV Comedy pilot: Series Logline: After being stood up for the last time, Flo, a quirky 30-something, looks to her zany friends for advice as she finds meaning in her life and in her bed. Pilot logline: It’s time for Flo to take a big high heel step forward in her attempt to change her life and her luck, maybe she should have wore flats.
In future best to post a single logline you want feedback on and if necessary add a post underneath with additional information, I think it’s easier this way for the members to read and comment on.
About the pilot logline:
It’s time for Flo to take a big high heel step forward in her attempt to change her life and her luck, maybe she should have wore flats.
This logline reads more like a tag-line as it indicates genre but doesn’t describe a plot.
No need to mention the MC’s name in the logline rather what kind of character she is, i.e: What is her flaw? Her job? etc…
Most importantly though, what is her inciting incident and goal in the pilot episode?
Since this is a series a producer will likely want to know more about the specifics of the pilot plot because this will indicate to them what the rest of the episodes will look like and how the stories will play out each week, this will also help you structure the plot and write the script to do just that.
Hope this helps.